Thursday, 19 February 2015

The one with the metal recycling business - Episode 4 | Ayesha

Welcome to Episode 4! I do have other blog post ideas which are more beauty related, and I will be typing those up too, but I have a lot of pent-up feelings which I need to get across. Hope you enjoy and/or learn something!

When I heard about this one, I wasn't immediately sold. In fact, let's just say I wasn't happy to meet anybody; I wanted to get married yet I wasn't prepared to go through the meetings. It felt like such a chore to dress up in Asian clothes, which make me feel uncomfortable and not myself anyway, to have to get to know complete strangers. I am generally a friendly and sociable person but it's a very different scenario when you're meeting people for the purpose of MARRIAGE! It felt so odd and unnatural.

I was a bit late coming downstairs to meet this family and they were already in the hallway greeting everybody. Awkwardness #1. Then, we all traipsed into the main living room and had a 'get to know you' conversation. I didn't like the look of the guy, but then I knew to get to know somebody before rejecting them; I had plenty of experience of people rejecting me before even getting to know me so I knew how hurtful it felt. After 10 minutes I went to the kitchen to get the juice, and yes I did walk around the room with a tray and serve it to them. Awkwardness #2. Nothing else comes to mind about this part of the meeting, so I'll just skip to when the man in question and myself had a chance to chat.

Now, we didn't really talk about a whole lot, to be honest. He learned that I graduated from my masters not too long ago and was working for the NHS. I learned he had set up his own metal recycling business. He then asked the following question:

Do you want to have children?
Me: (Thinking that this question is a bit premature...or was it? I have no idea). In the future, yes. What about you?
Him: Oh yeah, no less than a football team.
Me: How many children is that?
Him: 11. 
Awkwardness #3.

Me: Seriously? Does your metal recycling business earn enough money to provide the kids with a good education, a big house with a bedroom for each of them, and with all the work you'll have to do while I'm raising them will you even be around to have a hand in actually being a good father to them?!

No, I did not actually say those words out loud. I wish I did. What I actually said was:

Me: That's a lot of children (nervously laughing).
Him: How many do you want?
Me: Umm... maybe just start off with 1 and see how that goes?


I seem to remember another snippet from this conversation, which put me off him even further. We were talking about work, and at the time I had a big ambition to get a doctorate in clinical psychology which meant 5 more committed years of university. He seemed to be put off by this and said he would want his wife to work 'part time'. Does he get to choose that? Really? He is not the first man I had met who thought that their wives should be part-timers. I found it so off-putting because to me, it felt like he was calling all the shots and being an ambitious person, I wasn't about to give up my ideas about my future to be a stranger's 'wife' and take care of 11 children. If life circumstantially became that way, I can understand that, but to be told first hand this is what he wants our life to be like, I didn't want any part of it.

I don't remember anything else about that day, and I don't even know why I was so incensed he would want 11 children. Everyone is entitled to those dreams but I guess I was so paranoid about maybe having to give up my life for my future husband that my thoughts just went crazy. I feel that he thought we weren't compatible either, because they didn't want to meet again. I was happily relieved but mentally exhausted as I knew I would have to go through it all again next weekend with the next person/weirdo.

More soon!
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