The one with the metal recycling business - Episode 4 | Ayesha

Welcome to Episode 4! I do have other blog post ideas which are more beauty related, and I will be typing those up too, but I have a lot of pent-up feelings which I need to get across. Hope you enjoy and/or learn something!

When I heard about this one, I wasn't immediately sold. In fact, let's just say I wasn't happy to meet anybody; I wanted to get married yet I wasn't prepared to go through the meetings. It felt like such a chore to dress up in Asian clothes, which make me feel uncomfortable and not myself anyway, to have to get to know complete strangers. I am generally a friendly and sociable person but it's a very different scenario when you're meeting people for the purpose of MARRIAGE! It felt so odd and unnatural.

I was a bit late coming downstairs to meet this family and they were already in the hallway greeting everybody. Awkwardness #1. Then, we all traipsed into the main living room and had a 'get to know you' conversation. I didn't like the look of the guy, but then I knew to get to know somebody before rejecting them; I had plenty of experience of people rejecting me before even getting to know me so I knew how hurtful it felt. After 10 minutes I went to the kitchen to get the juice, and yes I did walk around the room with a tray and serve it to them. Awkwardness #2. Nothing else comes to mind about this part of the meeting, so I'll just skip to when the man in question and myself had a chance to chat.

Now, we didn't really talk about a whole lot, to be honest. He learned that I graduated from my masters not too long ago and was working for the NHS. I learned he had set up his own metal recycling business. He then asked the following question:

Do you want to have children?

Me: (Thinking that this question is a bit premature...or was it? I have no idea). In the future, yes. What about you?

Him: Oh yeah, no less than a football team.

Me: How many children is that?

Him: 11. 
Awkwardness #3.

Me: Seriously? Does your metal recycling business earn enough money to provide the kids with a good education, a big house with a bedroom for each of them, and with all the work you'll have to do while I'm raising them will you even be around to have a hand in actually being a good father to them?!

No, I did not actually say those words out loud. I wish I did. What I actually said was:

Me: That's a lot of children (nervously laughing).

Him: How many do you want?

Me: Umm... maybe just start off with 1 and see how that goes?

Lol

I seem to remember another snippet from this conversation, which put me off him even further. We were talking about work, and at the time I had a big ambition to get a doctorate in clinical psychology which meant 5 more committed years of university. He seemed to be put off by this and said he would want his wife to work 'part time'. Does he get to choose that? Really? He is not the first man I had met who thought that their wives should be part-timers. I found it so off-putting because to me, it felt like he was calling all the shots and being an ambitious person, I wasn't about to give up my ideas about my future to be a stranger's 'wife' and take care of 11 children. If life circumstantially became that way, I can understand that, but to be told first hand this is what he wants our life to be like, I didn't want any part of it.

I don't remember anything else about that day, and I don't even know why I was so incensed he would want 11 children. Everyone is entitled to those dreams but I guess I was so paranoid about maybe having to give up my life for my future husband that my thoughts just went crazy. I feel that he thought we weren't compatible either, because they didn't want to meet again. I was happily relieved but mentally exhausted as I knew I would have to go through it all again next weekend with the next person/weirdo.

More soon!

The one with the Mohawk - Episode 3 | Ayesha

Now, this is an interesting one. I was already doubting our compatibility because I was told that they all dressed in "Islamic" gear bar the man in question. Now, the reason was not solely because of the dress; at the end of the day nobody can judge anyone based on what they wear or don't wear; but I've been brought up to believe that being spiritually muslim, praying, fasting and charity are of the utmost importance and modesty was for all sorts of things including wealth, not just dress. The reason I was put off was because I felt he may just be rebelling against his family and after his rebellion was over, may start dressing like that and expect that of me too. I am not one for that as I believe in choices and people treat things like that differently.

So the weekend came, and what a surprise he was! He looked so odd. Mohawk, biker jacket, so different from the rest of his family. His mum thought I was a younger sister and the girl they had come to see hadn't come downstairs yet, i.e she thought I looked young, not complaining about that! So the meeting went ok, we ate food then we had the opportunity to talk in the other room. 

The conversation went something like this. 

Me: where are you from?

Him: I'm from Bristol. 

Me: Ah, ok. 

Him: ... Do you know where Bristol is? 

Me: yes (I drew a map in the air to demonstrate) 

Him: good, because the last girl I met didn't know where it was, and I thought we wouldn't fit together because of that. 

O...k? 

Him: do you know how to drive? 

Me: yes, I have to drive to get to work. What about you?

Him: yes but I don't really like to, I prefer motorcycles. So if we went on long journeys I would rather my wife drove. 

Me: that's interesting. What else are you looking for?

Him: I would like someone who would, when shopping, look for the best price of something. So someone who... (He struggled to explain)

Me: like a bargain hunter? 

Him: yes, bargain hunting! Are you a bargain hunter?

Me: (...) Well, it would depend on the item but I wouldn't pay silly money for something that wasn't worth it. My mums got a good eye though, maybe ill learn more from her. 

So the conversation continued for a little while longer. It was ok, I thought he was a little weird though with the direct questions/statements but I suppose it's better that way. Actually, it wasn't the directness that was the problem, it was more the 'I like bargain hunters and drivers and for them to be able to know geographical locations in England.' It's making me laugh now actually just thinking about it. 

I wasn't really interested in meeting again, because I just felt that on the whole, the family were just too different from mine. When they phoned, they actually wanted to meet again and the guy didnt want someone who covered her head. However, his mum said she would like me to. (As if they get to pick and choose what a woman wears and not? That's not how I've been brought up). My mum said I wouldn't feel comfortable in their family and his mum said 'ok she can just wear it when they come over to see family then.' I'm so glad my mum told her off and said its not about show, and that I really would not be comfortable at all there. They didn't seem to place as much importance on how many prayers I read. So, it ended.

More soon! 

The one with the awkward name - Episode 2 | Ayesha

Hi all!

Apologies for the delayed post, it has been a whirlwind of observations and other busy things going on! I am back for episode 2.

When we got the ominous phone call from a new rishta, the first thing that struck me was his name. It was the same as my dad's. Can you imagine the weirdness that would ensue if we got married? Some might think it silly but I was already put off. However, I still met him on the off chance I might like him, so they arrived bright eyed and bushy tailed on the following Saturday. Me, not so much.

My dad began his usual Uncle Phil style grilling, but he held up well. 1 point for that. However, his mum put me off slightly. She had a look about her where I knew I should steer clear. There is a word in my language called 'chalaak' - it means cunning and usually not in a good way. I've never been wrong about my gut feelings about people before, even if I sometimes don't listen to my gut, but I took a chance as I knew you shouldn't judge a book by its cover. Still, I couldn't shake it off the way she kept appraising me with those eyes. * shudders*. I became more put off with her when I asked him what he did, and insted of him answering himself, she jumped in for him. Hello, he has a voice! Let him speak! But nope, she answered and he kept schtum. That discouraged me from asking further because she just kept looking at me, it was SO unnerving.

After a few minutes, I had served them a drink and then we served some snacks. I was still being very quiet because what on earth do I say? They didn't seem to be my kind of people. After we had eaten my dad suggested "potential" and I go in the other room to get to know each other. Mrs chalaak said, "oh, whatever they want to talk about they can say in front of us." Then motioned with her hands for the 2 of us to speak in a patronising way. I was instantly mortified because what the hell? I saw my mums face all surprised but trying not to laugh. When neither of us said anything, (30 seconds seemed to last forever) she then said, "or you can go in the other room, whatever you're comfortable with!" Damn right I should be comfortable, as its my home!

Anyway, as we didn't move, my parents tactfully (contrary to her) suggested we sat at the table while everybody else sat on the sofas (still in the same room), so that we could talk. Sigh, what a short conversation it was. We exchanged 'how are you's' and 'what do you do's', then somehow very quickly we were talking about where we went to school and how I didn't enjoy being in a girls school because some people weren't that nice to me.

Needless to say they went home and we never saw them again. Was I saying too much about my school experience?! Anyway, I was glad. Number 2 down, whoever next. I was not looking forward to it, the way they seemed to be going.